Yes, the stage is a very small place indeed, only several square yards, and many an artist, in the throes of either sincere musical expression or affected posturing, lives life dangerously close to the edge.

From former presidential candidate Bob Dole to countless runway models and Miss USAs, it seems pretty clear that no amount of fame can keep you immune from the inexorable strength of that tyranical god–gravity.

Which leads us to the cringe-worthy videos below. I really don’t know why, but it is just hilarious to see famous people falling over!

However hot the girl is or howevermuch street cred the hardened rapper has, they are humanized in these moments which, thanks to modern technology, will steadily increase in YouTube viewcounts ad infinitum. If it were anyone else falling over, we’d be immediately concerned with their well-being, but for some reason, a celebrity’s physical “lowering”  to “the level” of “the groundlings”  is also an instantaneous social leveling which reveals a definite amount of envy mixed in with our adoration…

#1: Joaquin Phoenix falls off the Stage

Acclaimed actor Joaquin Phoenix made headlines after a bizarre Letterman appearance where his monosyllabic replies, bushy beard and budding rap career made him the butt of hollywood jokes. Some suspected a drawn-out publicity stunt, but this video shows Phoenix at one of his debut rap performances:

#2 Beyonce Falls off the Stage

The popular songstress ate it hard at this Orlando concert:

#3 Lil Wayne Falls off the Stage

Lil Wayne’s success is a sad commentary on the musical tastes of modern youth…but luckily the gods were so offended by his sonic outrages they snuck a karmic banana peel onstage….Wayne reportedly has $150,000 worth of diamonds attached to his teeth (not making this up) which surely saved the young rapper’s choppers from being knocked out during this spill:

#4 Metallica’s Jason Newstead falls in concert

Erstwhile Metallica bassist Jason Newstead has had a tough time of it. Recently replaced by Robert Trujillo and never quite able to step out of the shadow of original bassist Cliff Burton, Newstead had to endure being the “outsider” throughout Metallica’s most mainstream days. Here, falls onstage and hilariously continues playing as a sort of “i meant to do that” reflex:

#5 Jennifer Lopez’s Close Call

A conveyor belt + an elevated stage + J Lo anyone? But what sounds like the perfect storm for this post is sadly thwarted by the singer’s nimble recovery. (Although her massive gluteal cushion would likely have provided enough padding to prevent any injury…)

#6 The Jonas Brothers’ Repeated Falls

The Jonas Brothers’ saccharine-pop-rock stylings are clearly a form of noise pollution, and yet their clean cut looks and simple songs have fueled the unspeakable fantasies of a legion of pre-pubescent whitebread admirers.

As for falling onstage–the tween heartthrobs have done it so many times that a fan actually put together a compilation clip:

#7 Akon Oversteps His Bounds

Modern R&B juggernaut Akon’s voice  is as smooth as buttah. Unfortunately, so was the floor at at this concert:

#8 The Game Steps Up…and is Humbled

The rapper known as the Game appeard on the scene destined for success. He was after all, the product of the 50 Cent-Eminem-Dre hit factory, but his rhymes tended toward boasting about rims, his shoe collection and various shots out to mentors…

When watching this video, you could say the comeuppance of hubris has triumphed over streetwise braggadocio, but because the Game plays off the fall with just the right mix of charm and swagger, I wouldn’t call this one a total fail…

#9 John Petrucci’s Slide Guitar

John Petrucci’s soulless technical shred guitar work in Dream Theater has made him a fixture of the prog-speed metal underground. But his neither his lightning fast hands nor his metronome could have prepared him for the wiles of his arch-nemesis: a slippery floor:

#10 Mya Wipes Out

Faded R&B crooner Mya’s best performances may be behind her, but her behind’s best performances are clearly yet to come!

#11 Method Man Misses the Mark

Wu-Tang stalwart Method Man loses his balance, flails, then decides why fight it? He falls, yes, but it’s all good–his homies in the audience have literally “got his back”.

#12 Bonus Fall: Yes, A Horse!

The nauseating level of pretension at a fashion show is unquestionably the perfect location for a fall. But models tripping is passe…we need animals dammit! And here we have horse proudly strutting down the catwalk until…well, watch for yourself:

The best thing about this clip is how calm and collected the horse is compared to the hysterical onlookers. No embarrassed apology or awkward recovery here, just one chill, laid back steed…

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Remember those times when you heard a song and swore it sounded like another?

Well turns out you may have been right. Tunes often get recycled intentionally or unintentionally and turn up in another musician’s repertoire. It’s especially interesting when the song in question is popular or has reached cult status…..The following 4 songs are well known examples of “borrowing” which made these artists immortal.

Round 1: Nirvana’s “Come As You Are” VS. Killing Joke’s “Eighties”

The 1991 release Nevermind was a bold statement of angst and apathy that shook the music world to its very foundations. In one stroke, Kurt Cobain’s constipated moans and simple guitar riffage wiped away a decade’s worth of glam metal and eighties synth-pop. Plus, the album is really catchy and plays almost like a greatest hits collection. The song “Come As You Are” was the second single to be released, and contains a very distinctive riff which sets the mood of the song:

Maybe too distinctive? Several years before, British dance/punk band Killing Joke released as song called “Eighties” which contains an all too familiar riff:

Verdict: Yup, if you thought the similarity a little too strong to ignore, you’d be right. The members of Killing Joke claim that their song was ripped off, but they supposedly never filed a lawsuit for Cobain’s obvious “borrowing”.

Round 2: Jay-Z’s “Big Pimpin’” VS. Baligh Hamdi/ Abdel Halim Hafez’s “Khosara”

Think of the song Big Pimpin’ and what comes to mind? Oh yeah baby… the good life…a boatful of babes, gallons of Cristal poured out like so much piss, and debauchery on the high seas with none other than his royal Jigginess Jay Z!

Well, now think of the total opposite, because that distinctive melody that sounds like an Indian flute or a seagull being choked by strong hands is actually of Middle Eastern origin. Abdel Halim Hafez recorded composer Baligh Hamdi’s original song Khosara… and anyone can hear the obviously unchanged melody:

Verdict: Ok, this one is easy because no one is disputing that Timbaland stole sampled re-recorded Khosara for use in the album Volume 3…..Life and Times of S. Carter. The real issue is the possible copyright infringement that occurred. Jay Z, Timbaland and others have been hit with lawsuits regarding the song, but so far nothing has come of the matter…

Round 3: Led Zeppelin’s “Stairway to Heaven” VS. Spirit’s “Taurus”

Say it ain’t so! Could it be the most popular and successful song of all time is actually a ripoff! Is nothing sacred? Well I guess not…

The verses of Stairway are made of up a gentle set of chords which are required to be played by every beginning guitarist who walks into a guitar shop:

Now the band Spirit released the song Taurus a couple years earlier, and those same haunting chords clearly make their appearance.

Randy California, the writer of Taurus gave an interview to listener from which I’ll quote:

Listener: Speaking of Led Zeppelin, the guitar introduction to your 1967 composition, “Taurus,” is a dead ringer for Zeppelin’s introduction to “Stairway to Heaven,” released in 1971. Did they ever acknowledge their artistic debt to you? They must of known “Taurus,” having performed as your warmup band.

California: Well, if you listen to the two songs, you can make your own judgment. It’s an exact… I’d say it was a rip-off. And the guys made millions of bucks on it and never said, “Thank you,” never said, “Can we pay you some money for it?” It’s kind of a sore point with me. Maybe some day their conscience will make them do something about it. I don’t know. There are funny business dealings between record companies, managers, publishers, and artists. But when artists do it to other artists, there’s no excuse for that. I’m mad! [laughs]

Listener: Well, take comfort in the fact that you’re the true author of one of the most instantly recognizable guitar riffs in rock history.

California: Yeah, right…

Verdict:

There is just too much closeness in sound and timing of the release to ignore. Though Stairway is way better than Taurus, it owes its father a tip of the hat at least…(and a buttload of royalties….)

Round 4: Green Day’s “American Idiot” VS. Cho Young-Nam’s “Dosiyo Annyung”

American Idiot, the single, was released in 2004 to kick off the Green Day’s album American Idiot. The “punk-pop opera” was a melodious middle finger aimed squarely at “the man” and it showcased the band at the height of its powers.

But what’s that I hear? Is it a Korean businessman singing some Green Day karaoke after one to many shots of soju? No! It is Cho Young-Nam’s “Dosiyo Annyung”

Verdict: There’s no question here that the chord progression is nearly identical. A western listener (me) would go so far as to think Dosiyo Annyung is the Korean version of American Idiot. But undeniably, Cho Young-Nam’s song was released a full 3 years before Green Day’s. Does this mean GD are plagiarists? Well, no one knows, but the progression (chorus: C#5, G#5, D#5, G#5) is extremely common and made up of simple power chords (resonant partial chords commonly found in rock and metal guitar) so the whole thing could plausibly be a coincidence…

The moral of the story? Great artists steal! And stealing is good! And even if they don’t steal, there are only a finite number of notes and arrangements of those notes in the audible spectrum and duplication of patterns is inevitable! Where is part II of this post?! I haven’t compiled it yet! But stay tuned!

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I’m a little late in running across pixlr’s amazing photo editor, surely a godsend if you’re po’.

Photoshop would be hard to improve upon– the industry heavyweight has everything a casual user, a professional graphic designer and everyone in between could ever want.

But of course there is a drawback–unless you’re “young, black and famous, with money hangin’ out the anus”, buying a legit copy is a major investment. There are of course other methods *cough* demonoid *cough* but that would of course be wrong…

Enter pixlr.com, a site which allows the user to access an amazing photoshop-esque interface and many of the familiar features of Adobe’s cash cow. And all at the charming price of $0.00! No longer will people toil in the dark ages under the tyranny of the retarded child emperor known as MS paint. A reasonable editor is now within the grasp of anyone with a internet connection and basic PS skillz.


You have Swedish programmer Ola Sevandersson to thank for the application. He spent over a year refining it in his spare time and the result is something very functional and very free. I wonder if he’ll get sued? I hope not. I think its far more likely Adobe would buy the software…but who knows….

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How do such creepy skits get made for children’s shows? Was it just that back then in the 70’s and 80’s creepy was considered normal or humorous? The first Sesame Street video is a case in point:

“Bride of Frankenstein”

It is a creepy enough premise that a purple skinned muppet is so desperate for love that he will create it Pygmalion style, woo it, (and perhaps later, force himself upon it), but the skit only gets worse. The creature he assembles is not even good looking by muppet standards! And when the creator is spurned, he actually disassembles the object of his affection by ripping off her/its face! The denuded head, having enough, stalks off and the creator is left to fend off the advances of a piece of cloth! Utter madness I say. Would you let your 5 year old kid watch this? I’m in my twenties, and even I think I’ll be having nightmares from this one!

“Requiem for a Snufflupagus”

The next entry isn’t as horrifying, but is still pretty creepy.

Have you ever heard that comedy routine by Dave Chappelle where he describes Snuffy the Snuffleupagus as a junkie? He imitates the hairy beast’s groaning way of speaking and desperately calls out to big bird for one more hit–”Hi Bird, I’m Sick Bird, I need some smack Bird!”

Well the orignial vintage Sesame Street Snuffy comes close to Chapelle’s exaggeration, as can be seen here in the brown beast’s tv debut. Note the haunted and deadend eyes of the addict as he stalks the behemoth fowl…

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“Some photographers take reality…and impose the domination of their own thought and spirit. Others come before reality more tenderly and a photograph to them is an instrument of love and revelation.”

Andrzej Dragan certainly falls into this latter category of photographers. The quantum physicist and professor clearly has the soul of an artist and his photo-treatments give the viewer much added insight.

Some of his most amazing creations show famous figures who died young and how they would have looked in old age.

Marilyn Monroe

Bruce Lee

Adolf Hitler

Artist’s site:http://andrzejdragan.com/

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